Flashbacks

It was this time last year that I was diagnosed with cancer. So many events every day trigger memories from last year and with these memories fear tries to speak to me. I get a note from my doctor that says it’s time for a mammogram. Flashback. I remember my mammogram last year had some irregularities and they told me that I needed a biopsy. Fear tries to grip my mind and tell me, what if the mammogram shows something in my other breast? Did I make the right decision not to have a double mastectomy?

We had our staff Christmas party this week and it was that day that my doctor informed me that I had breast cancer. Flashback.

While Christmas shopping, I flashback to last year when I was wondering if I would be able to have Christmas with my family? If I would be spending Christmas Day in the hospital? All of the old memories and fears have tried to steal my peace.

It has been a long year, but it has also been a good year. It was hard, but it has made my family stronger. It has caused us to realize the really important things in life…our relationship with God, our love for each other. It has made us more compassionate of others who are walking through difficult times. (I am so proud of my children and how they have grown and matured this year.)

There have been many women who have been walking through cancer during the same time that I have. Some of them have now been declared cancer free. Some are still undergoing treatment. I received news this week of a young friend of mine who received a report this week that her cancer had returned. It broke my heart. I immediately started praying for her, and again, fear tried to come to me and say, your cancer could come back.

But I have decided that no fear is going to steal my joy. No worry is going to rob me of my peace. My life and my days are in the hands of The Lord. They were all numbered before I was even born. God knows how many days I have upon this earth, and I am determined to live each day to bring praise and glory to God. I am also determined that I am going to pray for others every time fear tries to come into my mind. I am going to pray for my friend, Leslie, believing for a miracle in her body. I am praying for my friends Ami and Tamara. I am also praying for my friend, Aneesah. All of these women need miracles and I am determined to pray for them and see their miracles come to pass.

So I pray that when fear, anxiety, or worry try to overtake you this Christmas season, that you will choose to pray for others that are hurting around you. I also pray that you will value and treasure each day God has given you and that you will choose to thank God and give Him praise. Watch God restore your health. Watch God restore your joy. Watch him turn your mourning into dancing. Watch him take care of you.

Psalm 30: 2 O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you restored my health.
5 Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.
8 I cried out to you, O Lord. I begged the Lord for mercy, saying,
9 “What will you gain if I die, if I sink into the grave? Can my dust praise you? Can it tell of your faithfulness?
10 Hear me, Lord, and have mercy on me. Help me, O Lord.”
11 You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy,
12 that I might sing praises to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!

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Comments

  1. Sandra Moore says:

    What a wonderful post ! I really needed this. A friend of mine has also been told her cancer is back and I worried just like you .I read my devotional for that day and God was telling me,it’s ok,, to rest in Him.
    Talk about flashbacks….I had my infusion at Baylor yesterday and when I got through, there were some boys and girls singing Christmas carols and my mind went back 34 or 33 years ago. We were at M.D.Anderson for my husband to have surgery for esophageal cancer and there were kids singing Christmas carols. I’m sorry to say that I had a bit of a melt down yesterday but got over it..Sorry to go on and on….thanks again for this wonderful post!
    btw…my husband went to live with Jesus in Feb of 1980

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